i mean, since my last lj post. married now and the owner of a pot bellied piglet. dealing with some medical issues and in transition with work projects, but other than that everyone is ok here in h-town. not really in the mood to write, but i was compelled to make a mark.
listening to my newly mastered cd, checking it for level have it on a flat eq to listen to overall sound quality gonna go back and chack against the old versions
played for my godmother last night she said "impressive."
i have so much i want to write about and then again i don't my life has been filled every second spent with someone a sibling, a child, an old friend
i haven't had a chance to miss dallas at all i am so so so so so so so so so happy most of the time these days
i wake up and everyday is calm everyday is cool i see my mom and i just hug her tightly i see my sister and we can just be hangin and i am happy
i feel calm most of the time except right around sunset that's when i get restless and want to be running around like a single girl it's an expensive feeling that passes as night falls and i settle in to a comfy bed somewhere
the funny thing about going home again is people forget that you have picked up a skill or two while you have been away they easily underestimate what your friends prize you for
i am performing a 2 hour set for my 20th high school reunion in august mind you i went to 'pva for theatre, not music and i wasn't even visible while i was there one of the quiet ones on stage crew
should be sufficiently traumatic, haha :)
when i get a job, when i get my feet on the ground i can plan a trip back to visit my friends till then, it is up to you all to make a little trip make a little trip to me
i really want to show my marfa 8 girls and my art con peeps the community center i am volunteering at
the potential here is massive the connections are deep and expansive the impact could be big just wish i had more of you here to see what i see.
i dreamt about my father and how my mom and he were living together in a white place still fighting she was not saying anything i want to believe because i associate my parents together but she was slilent while i was able to talk to him had such a heaviness in my heart as i wiped up a mess in the white store with a white towel i was so sad as i spoke to him i said dad i just feel like something is about to happen i feel like i am so lucky to talk to you right now cause you, i thought you were...gone he sadly smiled and said it was going to be alright
then there were tornados and winds we were in the country and we saw them roll in unseeing unseen but rolling the earth and dust around as they drew closer i knew or someone told me that you will let go and let yourself get wrapped up in the whirling winds i did and saw nothingness till i looked down and saw chelsea and some other guy i reached down with my energy arms and grabbed onto their soul energy located in their abdomens and pulled myself back down from the sky ow they cried as this was very painful for them to be touched in such a manner i apologized but i needed to act fast to get back to earth....
Our dear departed brother, Carlos Angelo Rivas was taken from us much too soon. We thought that his bouts with hospitalization were just routine visits, as we always saw him up and about immediately afterwards. He had such a great sense of humor and a larger than life personality. He was ready with a quick remark that might get you laughing, or he could break down a complex issue with an original perspective. One thing for sure, Angelo, as I called him was constantly surprising me with a vast wealth of knowledge about a wide variety of world issues. Angelo was a big softie, underneath a very gruff and imposing facade. One minute he could be berating you about something and the next offering up his house and home, food and drink to a weary traveler. Angelo leaves a very big hole in our hearts, as we all expected him to get well enough to plan that next bar b q, or start up some cajun seafood restaurant idea. He was bigger than life and will remain that way in our hearts long after this day is done.
From the start, Carlos Angelo was something very special to two very young newly americanized parents from Colombia, South America. Angelo was a fighter from the very beginning, fighting a pair of tonsils that almost killed him until he got them removed at the tender age of 6 months. This began a series of hospitalizations that were to earmark his life, to where a dr's visit was commonplace both for him, his siblings and his parents. Angelo suffered much through out his life with complications of his tonsilitis, ear infection and ear canal surgeries. Earlier this week, I asked my mother to talk with me briefly about special, unique stories about my oldest brother as a child. She said, "When Angelo was two, he would ride his tricycle around the living room so fast, we never saw anything like it." This may explain his later love of being on the road and taking up a career as a Truck Driver. He was also so very much loved by his grandparents Jose Maria and Aura Rosa Rivas. WHen they came to this country the lived a short time with my parents and became very close to Angelo. At age 8, Carlos was devoted to the church and dedicated his spare time as an alter boy. At age 10 and 11 not went to school in Colombia, South America, Angelo won the hearts of many a Colombian, relatives and strangers alike with his winning personality and ready smile.
When Angelo returned to the states at age 12, he became fascinated with Future Farmers of America, and spent his preteen to teenage years wearing cowboy boots, wearing levies and sporting a cowboy hat around our home in the country. Angelo raised a prize winning heifer named Boss Hogg among other delightful livestock that quickly became our pets and sometimes food. not really. well, ok, yes, sometimes.
After High School, Angelo met and married the lovely Reinaldo, and welcomed her two newborn twin babies Horacio and Jessica into his heart. He became enamoured of cajun cooking and rose to the ranks of a highly lauded cajun chef as well as a prizewinning and celebrated oyster shucker. Angelo moved to Dallas and worked at Atchafalyas, the original Nates Seafood and Steakhouse, and other notable Cajun Restaurants. After the birth of son Carlos Jafet and daughter Cristal Adelina, Angelo decided to switch careers, took additional schooling at a technical college, and became a Truck Diver. The lure of the road called to him, and Angelo soon found that he loved this line of work.
Approximately around the time our father passed away 10 years ago, Angelo received word that his health battles were not over. He had developed leukemia and was given 4 years to live. Angelo set out to prove the doctors wrong and managed, through dietary changes and moderate excercise, to outlast their predictions. Knowing he was seriously ill, Angelo made more room and time in his life for his family. He gave up some of that precious time on the road to be in Houston with his mother, his wife, his children and now his two grandchildren, Stephanie and Tiffany. Angelo also reached out to his siblings during his last years, working through years of miscommunications, hardships to forge even stronger relationships with his brothers and sisters. Angelo also stepped up when Reina, his wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor, to take care of her as best he could. When Reina passed after the holidays, Angelo, already with a compromised immune system, became stricken with grief and what would later become a fatal case ofwalking pneumonia.
We spent the last set of holidays together, and i will always remember our last Christmas just a few months ago. We sat around a bonfire and bonded over well remembered family stories and even conversations about time travel. He so wanted to have one last bar b q with us, and if i had a regret about my brother, it is that we didn't get to do that before he passed.
I guess we all have some regrets about our Carlos Angelo, because he was taken in such an uexpected way.
Recurring conversations around me throughout this time revolve around these phases, and they echo still:
"What did he want to say to me before he went under... what would he say to me now... What could i have done to prevent his death, What more should i have done when he was right here, next to us and very much alive.. What would i have done differently, knowing that he was going to leave us on march 13th, 2009..."
we cannot undo what is done. what is done, is done. we must look at the ones around us today and see them. really see and listen. who are the ones in our lives that are reaching out to us? how can we appreciate the ones in our lives still living and can this be the best way to honor the memory of our most beloved brother carlos angelo rivas?
by putting aside our pride and ego, and really appreciating the living family in honor of our departed.
Angelo is now with his devoted wife, reinalda, his grandparents who loved him so much as a child, and his father who was so proud to bring him into this world.
in closing, a few words from Angelos kids, written by carlitos, but a sentiment shared by his siblings.
"To my father and mother, whose souls are in heaven. we live for them here and in their memory with honor and respect Mr. and Mrs. Carlos Angelo Rivas We love, miss and will always carry you both in our hearts and in our blood.
tonight was so good... i can't even begin to tell you how amazing tonight was... i got to play a solo set with my gear actually working for me not against me but i got to sing with a wonderfully talented babe, ms. crickett taylor... old friends and new were there to support and encourage but for the first time i had believers in me and my songs! it was all a bit much and i shut it down in a glass of some fine wine but seriously come out next week the chemistry and fire that happens weekly is more than words can describe.
Jack's Backyard & Chill Grill hosts the amazing, sexy, soulful and - last but not least - seductive talent that is Crickett Taylor & Friends every Wednesday in February! Crickett has graciously asked Stellar Jazz guitarist Grant Peterson (NY) to contribute as well as local singer/songwriter Tania Rivas to be a part of this amazing night of music. Come out and enjoy the outdoor fire pits, the indoor drink specials and the extra talented lineup. There are multiple special guests hopping onstage during the night, so you are sure to be entertained!